Here’s something that sounds backwards but actually works: when you’re feeling low, stuck, or like nothing matters, helping someone else with their stuff can pull you out of your own head faster than almost anything.
Not magic. Just how the brain works.
A review of research on helping behavior found that helping others increases life satisfaction, gives you a sense of meaning, boosts your feelings of competence, improves your mood, and even reduces stress. That’s a lot of return on just showing up for someone.
And it doesn’t have to be huge. You don’t need to volunteer at a soup kitchen or start a nonprofit. Helping a friend think through a tough situation, checking in on someone who seems off, even just listening — it counts. Harvard Health reported on a study finding that older adults who did just two hours of service work a week felt more optimistic and had a greater sense of purpose compared to people who didn’t help at all. Two hours. That’s one movie.
Why does it work? A few reasons. When you help someone, you’re actively building something — a solution, a connection, a moment of relief for another person. Studies on adolescents specifically show that through the act of helping, people actually construct a more positive mindset and reduce their own depressive feelings in the process. You’re not just distracting yourself — you’re genuinely rewiring how you feel.
There’s also something about feeling useful. When you’re deep in your own anxiety or sadness, it’s easy to feel like you don’t matter much. Helping someone flips that. You see, clearly, that you do.
So next time you’re spiraling or just feel kind of bleh — reach out to someone you know is going through it. Ask how they’re doing and actually mean it. You might be surprised how much better you feel by the end of that conversation.