Money stuff in relationships can get complicated. Maybe one person earns more, or you split bills differently, or one partner handles the budget. That’s normal. But there’s a clear line between managing finances together and using money to control someone.
Financial abuse — sometimes called economic abuse — is when one person in a relationship controls the other person’s access to money or financial information. We’re talking things like refusing to let you see or touch shared accounts, monitoring every purchase you make, giving you an allowance like you’re a child, or racking up debt in your name without your consent. (That last one can also be fraud or identity theft under the law — another reason to take it seriously.) The goal is dominance. It leaves you dependent, trapped, and unable to leave even if you want to.
And this isn’t rare. Financial abuse is actually common in dating violence situations, not just in marriages. It can happen when you’re young, before you even have much money at all — because control, not cash, is the point.
Here’s something most people don’t know: financial and economic abuse is widely recognized as a form of domestic abuse — many U.S. states include it in their domestic violence laws, though the exact definition varies by state. It’s not just a toxic relationship habit or something you should work through with better communication. It has a name, it has legal weight in many places, and there are resources built specifically to help people in this situation.
If something in your relationship feels off around money — if you feel watched, restricted, or financially trapped — trust that feeling. It’s worth talking to someone who can help you figure out what’s actually going on.