Here’s something researchers at the University of Chicago figured out that most of us have completely backwards: we think we want to be left alone, but we’re actually happier when we connect with people around us — even total strangers.
In one study, commuters were split into two groups. One group was told to talk to whoever sat next to them. The other group kept to themselves like usual. The people who talked to strangers reported a significantly happier ride — even though a completely separate group of commuters predicted the opposite would happen. They thought talking to a stranger would be awkward and draining. It wasn’t.
That gap between what we expect and what actually happens is kind of the whole point. We’re bad at predicting this. We assume strangers don’t want to be bothered, or that we’ll run out of things to say, or that it’ll just be weird. But the research found that people underestimate how much strangers actually want to connect — and that both people in the conversation end up feeling better afterward. Both of them. Not just one.
And it’s not just mood. Researchers at Greater Good have found that these small moments with strangers may actually help build and repair social connection on a bigger scale — like, not just for you personally, but for communities as a whole. A smile, a short exchange, a quick “hey” — it adds up.
Nicholas Epley, the professor behind a lot of this research, has described it this way: whenever you’re out and you see a moment to reach out to someone — say hello, give a smile, help someone with something — take it. Those tiny interactions can make the low moments a little better. And like exercise, connecting with others is actually a skill you can get better at over time.
So next time you’re waiting in line or sitting on a bus, and you feel that urge to just stare at your phone — maybe don’t. The conversation you’re avoiding might be the best part of your day.