We’ve all been there. Something’s wrong, and the first thing you want to do is call or text your friend and just… dump it all out. And yeah, it feels good in the moment. But here’s the thing nobody tells you: if that venting turns into repeating the same negative thoughts over and over without moving toward any kind of solution, it can actually make you feel worse — not better.
That pattern has a name. It’s called rumination. And according to the American Psychiatric Association, the repetitive, negative nature of rumination can contribute to developing depression or anxiety — and make existing conditions worse. It’s not just a vibe thing. It’s been studied.
Harvard Health points to a 2020 study in Behavior Research and Therapy showing rumination can heighten vulnerability to anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even impulsive behaviors. It can also interfere with therapy and make it less effective. So if you’re already seeing a counselor and you’re spending hours outside those sessions spinning on the same bad thoughts, you might be working against your own progress.
And here’s the part that really stings: research published in PubMed Central found that rumination is specifically linked to having a harder time generating good solutions to problems and a lower willingness to do things that would actually lift your mood. So it’s not just that it feels bad — it can actively get in the way of doing the things that would help. Additional research reinforces this, finding that ruminative responses to negative feelings are associated with elevated risk for developing symptoms of both depression and anxiety over time.
None of this means you should stop talking to your friends. Connection matters. Feeling heard matters. The difference is whether the conversation stays stuck — replaying what happened, how unfair it is, how bad you feel — or whether it eventually moves somewhere useful. Even just venting and then doing something distracting together is better than hours of circling the same drain.
If someone you trust points out that you seem stuck on something, take that seriously. And if you notice yourself having the same anxious or sad conversation on repeat, that’s worth paying attention to.