Here’s the thing about power: it doesn’t disappear just because someone is being nice to you. When an adult who has authority over your grades, your playing time, your paycheck, or your future starts showing romantic or sexual interest in you, that power is still there. It’s in the background of every text, every compliment, every invitation. And that changes everything.
Experts and institutions that study these dynamics — including MIT’s official policies — describe relationships where one person holds authority over the other as inherently raising concerns about “abuse of authority, favoritism, and unfair treatment.” Even between adults, that imbalance is a serious red flag. When an adult in authority pursues someone they have power over who is a minor, it crosses a line — legally and ethically — in virtually every context in the United States.
The word “consensual” gets complicated here. Real consent means both people are genuinely free to say no without any consequences. But if saying no to your coach could cost you your spot on the team, or saying no to your boss could cost you your job, or saying no to your teacher could affect how they treat you in class — that’s not real freedom. That’s pressure, even if nobody said a single threatening word out loud. Sexual coercion, as defined by the U.S. Office on Women’s Health, doesn’t have to involve physical force — it can happen any time someone with power over you pressures, tricks, or makes you feel like sex or romance is expected.
So if an adult in your life who has any kind of authority over you starts crossing that line — flirting, pursuing, touching, asking to keep things secret — that’s not a compliment. That’s a warning sign. And it’s not your fault, no matter how you responded, no matter what you said, no matter how it felt in the moment.