Here’s something most people figure out way too late: when you respond to a compliment by trashing yourself, you’re not being modest. You’re actually making the other person feel awkward and kind of dumb for opening their mouth.
Think about it from their side. They noticed something good about you, worked up the guts to say it, and your response is basically “you’re wrong.” Now they’re standing there wondering why they bothered. Kripalu describes a real moment where a nurse receiving an award stepped to the podium and told a room full of smiling people, “I do not deserve this award.” What started as a gesture of humility just… killed the room.
Self-deprecation feels safe. It feels like you’re not being arrogant or full of yourself. But it’s actually a weird way of making someone else’s kind words about you into your problem for them to fix. Now they have to convince you the compliment was real, and the whole thing gets exhausting.
Harvard Business Review shares a story about receiving a genuine compliment from a mentor and immediately deflecting — “oh you didn’t have to say that, it was nothing” — until the mentor stopped him and said: when you hear something like that, there is only one two-word response. “Thank you.”
That’s really it. Two words. You don’t have to perform gratitude or explain yourself or make a whole speech. Just say thank you like you mean it. If you want to add something, “I really appreciate you saying that” works perfectly. Practice it so it feels natural, because the first few times it might feel weirdly vulnerable — like you’re admitting you actually believe good things about yourself. That’s okay. You’re allowed to.