Here’s a weird trick that sounds ridiculous until you try it.
When you’re stressed, anxious, or about to make a decision you might regret — instead of thinking “what should I do?” — use your own name. Think “what should [your name] do?” Or swap “I” for “he,” “she,” or “they.” That’s it.
This isn’t some made-up self-help thing. Researchers at the University of Michigan have studied this and found that switching to third person creates psychological distance — your brain starts processing the situation more like an outside observer rather than someone buried in the middle of it all. You get something closer to the clarity you naturally have when a friend comes to you with their problems, just now it’s pointed at yourself.
Psychologists call it “illeism” — referring to yourself in the third person. And the reason it works comes down to something called Solomon’s Paradox: people are almost always wiser when solving other people’s problems than their own. We can see our friend’s situation objectively. But our own stuff? We’re too close to it. Third-person self-talk may help your brain access that same helpful distance.
According to Psychology Today, you don’t even have to say it out loud — doing it silently inside your own head works too. You’re just replacing “I” and “me” with your name or a third-person pronoun. The emotional intensity drops, and your thinking gets sharper.
And here’s maybe the best part: the way you’d talk to yourself changes. The things you might think — or say out loud — about yourself when you’re spiraling are usually things you’d never say to a friend. Third-person self-talk kind of forces you to treat yourself like someone you actually care about.
Fair warning though — a few people find it feels weird or even a bit dissociating, especially at first. That’s worth knowing going in. If it feels strange, you’re not doing it wrong, it might just not be your thing. But for a lot of people, a few seconds of “okay, what does [your name] actually need right now?” can genuinely interrupt the spiral before it takes over.